Sinking deep, deep down ...

Into the darkest depths, the starless night.
A sailor lost on sea with nothing to lead him.
Oh, what a dreadful soul.

Today I met with my GAPSY-lady

She suggested therapy. No, she wants me to seek therapy again. But ... I don't want.
I need the help, I know. But I don't want to open up again. It hurts. It scares me.
I already opened up to someone I'm happy with, someone I can trust.
But he is not a therapist and I'm aware of that. Still, visiting a stranger, build up trust just to lose it again? No. Not again.
I'm sorry.

“You can tell how dangerous a person is by the way they hold their anger inside themselves quietly.”

Update

So, friends, close ones and loved ones suggested to write a diary about my thoughts, what happens to me and what I think of.
I have this blog. I remembered this blog. And I'll use this blog.
Why?
Because the internet is anonymous. It's safe. A silent voice is heard.
I'll use this blog for my thoughts again. But have a fair warning:

This blog might contain triggers for:

• Depressions
• Self-Harm
• Suicidal thoughts
• split personalities/alters

Martin Freeman and the Red Pants

Today I got informed via tumblr that Martin Freeman knows about the Red Pants.


Honestly, what did you think?

First, it's known that he's aware of tumblr, so it's self-evident that the man is also aware of Red Pants and the smut fictions. This is nothing special, it's actually rather human to look oneself up on the internet.

'Don't make people into heroes.' 

They are human. They are famous, yes, but still human, and we owe them respect.
People becoming obsessed about a person are scary and lunatic, overshadowing the 'normal' fans who respect the talent and work. 


To state my opinion:

I admit that ...

• I harmed myself
• I misused medicaments
• I misused alcohol
• I lie
• I’m offending on purpose
• I hate myself
• I love myself
• I’m smug
• I’m selfish
• I’m mistrustful
• I’m feeling alone
• I’m feeling safe alone

Do you judge me by that?

Beside all this I love meeting new people. I always listen to them and I’m open-minded.

You can’t judge people by that they have done or still do. You never know what’s the reason for that.

"My experience is that there is, you know, surprisingly always hope." - The Doctor

And I found another example for this.
A friend, living far away, even over the ocean, showed me that you're never alone in the world.